David, are you in bed yet?
Um... Yeah, I am.
OK. Good night. I love you.
I love you too.
More news here at your all-memories station
for St Petersburg and Tampa at the top of the hour.
Now, I’d like to send out congratulations to Thelma Miller of Orient Park.
She was our eighth caller yesterday, and collected $225
on our big Money Memories Jackpot. Today it could be you!
Oh, my. Look at this.
Here you go, Alma. Your little cart.
- What a mess. - Load this for me, could you?
- Ex-Lax. You got my Ex-Lax? - Heating pad. My heating pad.
There, Bernie. I hope you feel better.
- Don't use that stuff. Use prunes. - I use both.
- That's everything. - Rose, I think these must belong to you.
Oh, thank you. I'm Rose Lefkowitz. I don't believe we've met.
- This is Ben, Rose. - How do you do?
She remembers who I am, she remembers who she is, so we're doing OK. Come on.
That's it.
Poor Rose. She's really slipping.
Here we go.
# And swing 'em to the left, then you swing 'em to the right
# Then you do the twist with all of your might
# Truck on down, let's go to town
# And that's what we call dancin'!
- Let me hear it! - # And that's what we call dancin'!
Hit it! Oh, that's much better.
Come on, ladies. Pick 'em up.
Oh. Very good. Girls, that's wonderful.
I saw this, but I fell asleep, so I don't know how...
# Shake your little shoulders and get on down
# Do the Suzy-Q that's good for you
# And that's what we call dancin'!
- Let me hear it! - # That's what we call dancin'!
Hey, Art! Art!
Come on over here. I could use some real men here.
If we see any, we'll send them over.
Hit it.
Here we go. # And swing 'em to the left...
- You gonna do anything about that one? - Already have.
You put it to her?
You're disgusting.
So then you haven't, huh?
- What? - I say, so then you haven't.
- There you go, Pops. - Ben!
- I said one! - Walk on the wild side.
- You boys still trespassing over there? - Yup.
Hey, they're not even melted yet! Wow!
OK, let's get a board under him. Let's get a pulse, let's get a blood pressure. I'll get a line.
- 80 over 50. - Keep pumping.
- Ready! - Clear!
Is there a pulse or a blood pressure? Once more. Now! Is there a pulse?
- No pulse. - Blood pressure?
- No blood pressure. - Let's call it.
Well, what's the word?
What's the word on what?
The doctor. You went to the doctor. What did he say?
It's a breeze. Everything's fine.
Hey, wait a minute. Wait right there.
This is me you're talking to.
Now, you went to the goddamn doctor. Now, what did he say?
Doctors don't know everything.
Well, there is the one school of thought that says they don't know nothin'.
Well, gentlemen, mission accomplished.
- Hope the water isn't too cold. - You want it heated too?
What about a lifeguard?
Well, the marines have landed.
Navy's in.
- Boy, that's cold. - You're right.
Ah, fellas, this is the life.
That'll make your old ball-sack shrivel up.
Well, all in all, that was a pretty damn crappy day at sea, wasn't it, boys?
- You stink. - Me? Come on, man.
- It's the great unknown out there. - Here. Here's half your money.
Half? What's this "half"?
Bonner, you got my goddamn money now?
I got it right here. I'll be with you in a second, OK?
Cos if you ain't got it now, you're not tyin' up here.
Look. I don't wanna get rough with you, you know? But I'm not takin' half.
- Fine. Give it. - Get your hands off!
Just get your ass off my boat, man. Get your ass off my boat. You believe this?
And take your embarrassing beach towel with you.
Can you believe these tourists?
The guy throws up on the deck, he doesn't catch one fish, gives me half my money.
- I need a brew. Want something cold? - Untie the boat line.
No, wait! Don't untie the boat line.
Here you go, you bloodsucker. I have nothing to live on. Nothing. Zip.
Oh, Kirk, come on. You're not actually gonna take all my money, are you?
- You're gonna leave me $5, aren't you, Kirk? - Not on your life.
Shit! Come on, Kirk. That money'll bring you no pleasure.
- Could I have a word? - I promise you!
- You just try and sleep tonight. - I'll sleep like a baby.
Oh, shit!
We'd like to rent your boat.
- You what? - We'd like to rent your boat.
We'd like to rent your boat. For 27 days.
If that wouldn't be too long for you.
No. Yeah!
Yeah? 27?
That's my lucky number. Holy sh... smokes!
Hi. Jack Bonner. How you doin'?
- Hi, Jack. I'm Walter. - Hi, Walter. Well, come on.
Take a look around. Boat sleeps eight, so you should be pretty comfortable.
If you've got a latitude and a longitude, I can get you there.
- If you don't, I can still get you there. - We know a great dive spot. We have a map.
Great. Great.
Uh... Guess we can talk price later.
Oh, that door basically slides back and forth. It may need some oil.
I haven't dusted in a while. But I'm gonna do a whole cleanup, the whole sanitation thing.
If you look at anything closely enough, you're bound to find flaws.
I'm an experienced scuba diver and tour guide, deep-sea fisherman...
Who will actually eat tonight! Yes!
In the kitchen! You're in the kitchen.
And my mother went out on the porch, and she was screaming...
- Give it a rest, Rose. - "You stop teasing your sister!"
- Hiya, Grandpa! - Here's the little fella.
- Come right to the courts, do ya? - It's Thursday.
He knows our schedule.
- Hi! - Here's David.
He's always here. Does this kid have a home or what?
Bernie! His parents are divorced, his mother works...
I'm an orphan. Do I go around askin' for breaks?
We're goin' swimming later. We have room left for one little boy.
And we might even have a swimming suit for you.
- I got mine on. - Oh, the navy could use men like you.
The prope's been tied up in an estate now for over three years.
And, of course, they really want to sell. They're not interested in a long-term lease.
We'd just like the place for 26 days. And we'll take it in as-is condition.
We're cousins. We like to vacation together, informally.
As long as there's a swimming pool, we have everything we need.
Uh, $7500 a month, plus the pool man and utilities.
We won't be needing the pool man.
I prefer to do that myself. They use so much chlorine. My eyes are very sensitive.
- Oh, but they're lovely. - Thank you.
Clubhouse is closed, boys.
Well, maybe they'd give us permission to use the pool.
- We could offer to pay something. - Wouldn't be fun if we had permission.
Jack, this is the chart I was telling you about.
I estimate our position is right about here. This point.
- I wanna get down right along this fault line. - Is this land? What is this?
This is actually an underwater-configuration map.
- A heat-sensitive map. - I've seen these.
- Yeah, it's a brand-new development. - The Japanese have this.
That's right, Jack. The Japanese developed it.
So the point is to head directly south, right along this line,
until we get right here on the edge of this fault line.
- You can figure that out? - Yeah. Actually, I've been around here.
- Why don't you keep this? - OK. Go get some sodas and sandwiches.
- Thanks, Jack. - OK.
All right, let's start with line three.
- T-O-Z. - And the next line.
L-P-E-O.
Try the next line.
K-O-C...
K-O-C-F-E.
Uh, sir, do you have another pair of glasses?
I don't need any other glasses, young man. These are my glasses. I can read that fine.
Now you just run the pointer, all right?
Next line.
- Is there anything on that line you can read? - No.
But, young man, remember, road signs aren't made that small.
I can read road signs.
OK.
I don't think it's fair. I've driven everything on wheels all my life and never had a mishap.
Shit. How's your girlfriend?
She's not my girlfriend. She just followed me home that one day.
I don't like her at all.
You don't, huh?
- Hi, Dad. - Hi, honey.
Hi, Mom.
- Wanna go out to dinner? - Yeah!
No Italian food. Makes me fart.
OK. I'll go get Mom.
You know, you're gonna have to make a friend your own age one of these days.
I don't like the kids my age. I like to hang around you guys.
Sure you like it here. There's no pressure, and we baby ya.
- More things bother me than other guys. - Oh, they do, do they?
Trouble with you is, you think too much, and that's when a guy gets scared.
You know, Grandpa, you're right. I do get scared a lot.
Nobody likes bein' scared.
Watch out. Those dolphins look pretty horny.
- This is pretty big. - Yeah, pretty big.
- You need a hand? - No. No, thanks, Jack. We're doing fine.
Excuse me.
- What the hell is that? - Who cares?
You know, I bet they're dope peddlers. I bet they made a pick-up out at sea.
- It's possible. - Should we tell somebody?
Huh! No!
By golly, if our new neighbors do that,
I don't feel bad about sneakin' in their swimming pool while they're gone.
- You think it's safe? - What are they gonna do, arrest us?
- Look at us. We're three harmless old men. - Who knows what kind of people they are?
You know, I can't remember the last time I really took a risk.
Ben's right. I'm in.
What the hell?
Look at that.
The water's really warm.
What the hell are those?
Listen to that!
They make me nervous.
If Ben Luckett decides to jump off the Empire State Building, do you have to do it too?
I have my pride.
- I feel great. - Me too.
You wouldn't bullshit me?
My God, I'm telling the truth!
Why shouldn't he feel good? I feel tremendous!
I'm ready to take on the world!
# I'm in the mood for love
# Simply because you're near me
You get a load of this guy? He'll be chasin' them dolls till his dick rots off.
I'm too old for that kind of thing.
- Ah, hey, age isn't everything. - No, no.
- Anyway, it's all up here. - Oh, sure. Sure.
It's not all up there, pal. Some of it's down here.
Which, by the way, is hard as a rock.
- You too? You got a boner too? - Blue steel. Cat couldn't scratch it.
I thought I was the only one.
# We're in the mood for love
# Simply because we've got one
You tired?
Aren't you?
I'm wide awake.
- What's wrong? - Not a thing.
Art! It's so late.
Are you all right?
# Some enchanted evening
# You may see a stranger
# Across a crowded room
- Want a piece of candy, little girl? - Ben!
Ben!
Pung.
Three. Ghost Dragon.
Why is everybody so quiet today?
You're all off in another world, or something.
I was just thinking to myself.
Me too. I was just thinking.
I feel so nice today, I can't tell you.
Joe?
Let's go!
- Morning! - Morning.
Excuse me.
- Do you think there's cocaine in that pool? - Might be.
- What if we OD? - Well, we'll keep an eye on each other.
I'll watch him, you watch him, you watch me.
Perfect.
Hey.
Hi. Looks like you got these things pretty well covered.
Looks airtight.
Jack, I can't tell you what's inside there.
You know, I'm the captain.
Technically speaking, I have to know what's in there.
Yeah, but what we're doing is supposed to be a secret.
Kitty, I took a maritime oath.
A maritime oath! It forbids me to even reveal your names to anybody.
All right, I'll tell you. But you can't let the others know that I told you anything.
They'd have to torture me. Not a lot of torture, you know, but some.
Nerita peleronta.
- Ner... what? - Nerita peleronta.
- What is that? - They're giant snail shells.
They're extremely rare. We're taking them to the Museum of Ichthyology in Orlando.
Oh, really? Yeah, I've been planning to go there.
I hear it's a great place. A lot offish.
Oh, God. Oh, God, I think it's broken. Goddamn it!
- Let me help you. - Some ice. Get something cold on it.
- Let me look. - Do not touch it.
- I can help you. - No, no, no, no!
That feels nice.
That's amazing.
- Kitty, you married? - No.
- Involved? - No.
Come on.
Those guys are so good-lookin'.
Not Walter, maybe, but... You don't have anything goin' with one of the young guys?
I'm not involved with anyone.
OK.
You know, we could go out and do something, sometime.
- I don't know if that's such a good idea. - Why?
- I'm not like the other women you've known. - That's good news.
You're makin' me very curious about you.
Well, what if I trusted you with something very private?
Oh, I can keep a secret. I wouldn't tell anybody. Not even our kids.
Look, I don't know what you're thinkin'.
But if you’re thinkin' that I'm just out to nail you, that's not it at all.
I'd just like to get to know you, as a human being.
OK. I'll see you in the morning, all right?
What?
Yeah, I got some things to do too.
They didn't give you any other medication at all over at the home, huh?
Not a thing, Doc.
Well, Joe, I gotta tell you, I have never seen anything like this before in my life! It's a...
Well, it's a miracle! It's a complete remission.
I just love to see you eat your words, Doc.
- Want to arm wrestle? - No!
How about that?!
- Alma's not gonna believe this. - You've got 'em? Ah!
Come on. Let's go, shall we?
I'm gonna go ahead and assume goodwill.
I'm gonna assume mental illness.
Oh, Bernie. I didn't expect it. It's such a surprise!
- I don't know how to do it. I didn't buy it. - It's just beautiful.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. We start our second session of dancing now.
Our first tune is a special arrangement of "Dancing in the Dark".
Let's waste no time.
- Why don't we dance? - What? Oh, sure!
Oh, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie, what am I going to do with you?
I don't know what I'm going to do with you.
- Well, you're not gonna dance with me. - That's for sure. That's for sure.
- Happy birthday. - Thank you.
- You're a wonderful dancer. - I think so!
I'm very happy, Bess.
Everything's happening so fast.
- Are you talking about last night? - No, no. Last night was fine.
Fine?
More than fine! Terrific!
I was talking in general.
Well, in general, I think we're having a great time!
Yes, we are.
Will you still love me when I can't keep up with you?
Of course. I love you now, and you can't keep up with me.
You are a pain in the ass!
"There's gonna be a problem in the fuel-injection system if... "
What does this do?
Reduced to a goddamn Peeping Tom now, Bonner?
It's embarrassing.
Holy shit!
Look...
What's the problem, Jack?
She's not normal.
There's something very abnormal about her.
Come on, come on, come on...
Son of a bitch.
Come on. Start! Go! Come on!
I've had all kinds of people on this boat. All kinds! From all races! Come on...
All nationalities! All creeds!
Oh, my God, I can't believe it! It won't start!
Oh, my God.
It's... It's hard to know who to trust. Isn't it, Jack?
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, God!
I'm in the water, far from shore.
It's at night.
They got my boat. Shit.
Oh, my God!
Good to see you again, Jack. Let me give you a hand.
I don't want your hand. Get back! Get back!
You get back!
Oh, no. Just put the towel down.
Just put it down and back away, please.
I'm sure you're bothered by what you saw, but relax...
- I don't wanna relax! - Why not let us explain?
Cos I don't wanna know anything.
And if you try to eat my face off, or take over my body,
you're gonna be very sorry, mister. You're gonna be very sorry!
Face-eating, Jack?
I've never heard of that. Is that some sort of delicacy?
No. Forget I ever mentioned it.
- Are you sure I shouldn't try it, Jack? - I'm positive.
Walter, Jack is our friend. Right, Jack?
Friend... Friend! That's right. Friend. 100%. I'm your friend.
That's all I ever wanted to be. Your friend.
- But we do owe you an explanation. - No, you don't owe me anything.
You don't... Not even for the boat, honestly. It's free.
Jack. Of course we're gonna pay you for the boat. We're honest.
Well, of course you're honest! Did I ever accuse you of being dishonest?
I accused you of being from another planet. But an honest planet.
Jack. Jack, sit down.
- I don't wanna sit down. - Jack, sit!
Now, Jack, I want you to listen to me very carefully.
We're Antareans. We come from a planet called Antarea.
Yeah, that's what I pretty much figured.
100 centuries ago, we had an outpost here on Earth, before the first upheaval.
- Well, I think I'm better off not knowing. - Shh.
We were able to evacuate everyone except for my ground crew.
- Ground crew? - And now we've come back for them.
Boy. I thought I'd been around. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.
Now, Jack, you could turn us in.
Or you could do something else to make things difficult for us.
But believe me, Jack, we will still get our friends back.
And the only thing that would happen is that we'd end up renting someone else's boat.
You know, I got left behind once. It was in Coney Island. I was nine.
It was pretty heavy for a nine-year-old. My parents finally came back for me.
Of course. And now we've come back.
- So you're comin' back for your friends? - Exactly.
Jack, this is the most important thing we've ever done.
You're not gonna hurt me, are you, Walt?
All we need to do is to get our friends and leave.
And go... pfft?
- Yes. Pfft. - Right. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft.
- None of this is bad for America, I guess? - Of course not.
Well, damn it, I'm in.
This... This is incredible.
Right. Now, nothing's gonna fall off, is it?
No.
- Come on, Mr. Lefkowitz. - You'll love it.
- You'll be a new man, Bernie, believe me. - Remember, I said I'd look.
- I'm not promising I'll get wet. - Fine. Just look.
By the way, right here is where a crime is being committed.
Not by me, because I'm being carried.
Don't you worry, Bernie. We'll take the fall for you.
Fall? That's another thing. I fall, I break my hip, I can't sue anybody.
- It's nice and warm, Bernie. - They're rocks.
What are rocks doing in a pool?
In an ocean, fine. There I expect to see plenty of rocks.
But in a pool? No.
Hah! Cowardly cowardly custard!
Can't cut the mustard!
Come on, Bernie!
And it's Joe... Joe taking the lead...
Come on! Come on, navy! Come on!
Come on, you worn-out old pusses! Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig!
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hey, fellas? Fellas, fellas, hey!
Somebody's comin'. Let's get out!
Let's get out of here. Come on! Let's go. Come on!
- Come on. Get a move on. - Come on. In here.
- Out of the way! - Let's move!
- Jesus! - Let's move!
Come on, open the fuckin' door.
Let's go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
I begged you not to go.
You've got to do something. There are things from outer space next door.
You gents keep suckin' on that oxygen. They'll probably go back to their own planet.
- Get the police, you idiots. - Hey, look.
I'm not callin' no cops because a couple of geezers saw some people from outer space.
If my husband said he saw people from outer space, they were from outer space!
- Get the goddamn police! - OK.
Call the police. Whoo!
They must have concocted this crazy story to cover themselves.
Spacemen, you say? That's wonderful! Well, we'll all be that old someday. If we're lucky.
Yeah. Well, we're gonna shoot on over to the home and straighten this whole thing out.
I wouldn't be too hard on 'em. Just tell 'em,
as long as they're willing to respect our privacy in future, we won't press charges.
- We'll keep 'em on their side of the fence. - Thank you.
My pleasure. Bye-bye.
Well, I guess we shouldn't be greedy about it.
We're better off than before we found it.
Bess said we should take it to The National Enquirer.
They pay money for this kind of story.
I wish I had the guts to go in.
Yeah. Boy, I wish I never even knew about this place.
Oh. What time is it?
Just after four.
I'm gonna go talk to him. Goddamn, it's ridiculous.
Hey, Walter.
Well, I'm not surprised you're here.
There's something in that pool a friend of ours just has to have.
Matter of fact, there's a few of us could use a little of it.
We don't care who you are, where you've been, what you're doin', what you're up to.
Sure need that pool.
Look, Ben, I know you're just trying to help your people.
Well, I'm trying to help mine.
No, see, my friend Joe Finley, he's got cancer.
I'm trying to save his life.
I'm trying to save 20 lives.
And I'm running out of time.
No son of a bitch has to know we're in that pool.
We'll just be a few old farts paddlin' around in that pool. Who's gonna know?
Every ten or eleven thousand years or so, I make a terrible mistake.
The last one was when I picked what you call Atlantis as our base here on Earth.
Everyone else said use the North Pole. I said "No, too cold. "
Sinking never occurred to me.
You're gonna let us use the pool, aren't you?
You won't touch those cocoons?
No. No, I swear.
Use the pool.
Thank you. Thank you!
- I, for one, don't believe this alien crap at all. - You don't believe your husband?
- No. - I believe Joe. I believe him and I'm scared.
- I don't believe it and I'm still scared. - I guess I'm just less gullible.
Mary, you have your nerve! I have more horse sense than you ever had.
Ladies, ladies. Let's just go and see for ourselves. Come on.
All right. Let's meet the aliens!
I hate to go visiting without a plate of cookies or a box of candy.
- We're going home. - Will you cut it out, Bernie?
- We have permission, don't we? - Those people aren't people.
- I'm not gonna have anything to do with 'em. - Oh, pipe down.
You're playin' with fire over there.
I'm a citizen. I believe in this country.
I'm thinkin' of blowin' a whistle on the whole deal. Come on, Rose.
- Stop right there. - Oh, what. What?
- Stop thinkin' about yourself. This is for Joe. - Joe?
Is Joe above the law? Are any of us?
- In 1948, Dutch Schultz walked into my store. - Bernie. Bernie, shut up!
- Let me tell you about what Dutch said. - Bernie. Bernie!
If you don't wanna do this for Rose, if you don't wanna do it for yourself, that's fine.
- But if you screw it up for us... - Don't threaten me, Joe.
Bernie, please. Let her come with us. Just this once.
No, no. Never. Rose and I will never set foot over there again.
Nature dealt us a hand of cards. We play them.
Now, at the end of the game, suddenly you're lookin' to reshuffle the deck? Huh?
Oh, come on, Rose. Come on, let's go.
Anybody have second thoughts?
- Not me. - I'm a citizen too.
I was in the navy. I don't see anything wrong with it.
Then you drive. I got no license.
# How would you like to spend the weekend in Havana?
Are your extraterrestrials gonna make a personal appearance?
Hey, Pills! Come on in!
Hi, Pillsbury. How you doin', pal?
You'll like Pillsbury. He's a fine fella.
Adios, Pillsbury!
All right. Let's start here.
P-E-Z-O-L-C-F-T-D.
Sir, what line are you reading?
The bottom one. We're in a little bit of a hurry, OK?
Look, look! We've gotta go into the club.
Hello, Grandpa.
Hey, look at the old fogies.
Off the floor, Grandpa.
...requiring weekend transportation to St Petersburg,